Broadway, Schrafft's and Seeded Rye by Lyla Blake Ward

The fact that I have been dubbed an expert supersedes the fact that I am their mother, whose nutritional advice pre-book was not worth a hill of beans, organic or otherwise. Even my children, who never waited with bated breath to hear which vitamins I thought they should take, now listen intently when I describe the beneficial effects of bee pollen on the immune system. It pains me to think of all those women out there, content and healthy in their lives, who now feel their days are numbered because I, “the expert,” has spoken. The fact that I sold my first book when I was 80 and saw it in print just after my 82 nd birthday makes me not only an authority, but “an inspiration,” living proof you too can write a book if you drink a cup of green tea every day (I have mine with lunch), swim laps 3 times a week (well, most weeks), and try to do a double crostic every so often. Never mind that I have no more idea about why people are living longer than the neighborhood cat.

Here again, the assumption is: if the title begins with “How to-“ the author obviously knows what she’s talking about. There you’ll see it along with such other fun books as Finishing Well: Aging And Reparation In The Intergenerational Family and The Practice of Concern: Ritual, Well-Being, and Aging in Rural Japan. Just walk up the stairs, to the rear of the store, and look for the shelves with the black crepe lining. It was usually found in the “Aging” Section. Totally ignoring the whimsy in my title, they took my book so seriously. I was invariably asked the question they ask anyone over 40: “to what do you attribute your longevity?” I could have answered, “Because I have always worn knee hi’s instead of panty hose,” or “I use my night cream as a day cream,” and they would have stroked their collective chins and said, “Mmmn, that makes sense.” Humor? Unimportant it’s the expertness in me they’re interested in.

But they don’t let you choose the questions. I thought the whimsical nature of my title, and what I thought of as the very light treatment of the subject would tip interviewers off. Interviews are a necessary evil for authors: established or newbie, if you write a book, you want to sell it, and the road to success is paved with as many interviews as you can get-real or virtual, online, on the radio or on TV. “Not to say being a recognized expert doesn’t have its advantages…” Illustration by Josh Quick

Broadway, Schrafft's and Seeded Rye by Lyla Blake Ward